Category Archives: female pleasure and orgasm

female pleasure and orgasm, good relationships, good sex

Types Of Male Sexual Dysfunction

Types Of Male Sexual Dysfunction

One of the most significant things about early ejaculation is the fact that it can be divided into a number of categories.

For example it can be physical – it may be caused by a neurological predisposition or physical injury to the spinal-cord.

Or it may be psychologically based, caused by psychological stress, relationship conflicts, or a lack of the appropriate psychosexual skills necessary for satisfactory sex within a loving relationship.

Even worse, it’s also common for some men to experience erectile dysfunction along with difficulty controlling ejaculation.

Female partners of men in this situation often feel a degree of resentment or anger. This is because the man’s failure to deal with his sexual issues affects her ability to become sexually aroused during lovemaking, and this acts as a disruption to intimacy.

The early end of intercourse causes a break in intimacy and connection.

Indeed, the fact that sex usually ends when the man has come (because he doesn’t have enough persistence or stamina to last as long as he would like in bed), is experienced as an emotional abandonment by the woman.

Video – sexual disruption

Furthermore, it’s quite understandable that women resent  a man’s failure to address his uncontrolled ejaculation or to do anything to resolve the problem.

On the other side of the equation, of course, men are generally paralyzed by painful feelings of shame: shame around their sexual failure and their own perceived inability to please their partner.

Furthermore, most men don’t know what to do to solve the problem, or even where to get help. And it’s possible that seeking help may be seen by a man as confirmation of his own sexual inadequacy.

So regrettably there’s a vicious cycle here which the woman can perceive her man as paralyzed by his shame, and indeed he is: he feels so ashamed of sexually failing her that he does nothing about it, which is taken by the woman as another sign of his abandonment of her.

In reality it is an abandonment of himself, yet statistics demonstrate how common a man’s failure to deal with the problem actually is: the average time it takes a man to seek professional help to address his inability to control ejaculation and lack of stamina in bed is six years.

You can see why a woman might reach the conclusion that her man simply doesn’t care about her feelings, even though the opposite is more likely: most men feel huge shame at disappointing a lover and letting her down. And he probably does not know what to do about it anyway.

And perhaps because of the Internet, even those techniques which are generally known, such as distraction (thinking about taxes or roadkill), using penile desensitizing creams, or multiple condoms, simply don’t work or may even make a bad situation worse because they not only stifle pleasure but also reduce the man’s arousal. This can cause him to develop erectile dysfunction.

In general, therefore, current treatment methods will focus on several approaches that work together to give greater chance of ensuring a man can develop more stamina in bed.

So a man seeking help will ideally be taught how he needs to think about sex – during sex – so that he doesn’t unconsciously contribute to an uncontrolled increase in his arousal.

He’ll also be taught how to calm himself by using relaxation techniques, and he’ll be taught behaviors which can control the rate of increase in his arousal.

This combination produces a more efficient method of increasing stamina in bed and essentially learning to control ejaculation.

Techniques To Overcome Male Sexual Problems

Effective treatment of a man’s inability to control his ejaculation focuses on three fundamental areas:

  • The first of these is learning to become sensuously aroused at the same time as the man maintains physiological relaxation. This involves a technique called self entrancement arousal – different to the usual focus of arousal – which is being entranced by involvement with the partner.
  • The second area of treatment is about conscious thinking and behavioral activity, and this involves learning so-called “pacing” techniques which help establish better control.
  • And the third area that is necessary for satisfactory sexual functioning is learning how to produce a genuine co-operation with a man’s lover, so that he can learn how to please her more.

We look at each of these in a previous post on this blog, so that you can see how they play together into a complete system of increasing stamina and improving endurance in bed in order that you can please a woman much more satisfactorily (and at the same time enjoy sex without anxiety yourself).

These techniques were developed by sex therapists including Michael Metz PhD. There is still a place in modern methods of learning arousal control for older techniques such as the Stop-Start technique developed by Dr James Semans in 1956. This can still be an effective way of learning to control the level of arousal one feels in response to sexual stimulation.

female pleasure and orgasm

Women’s Pleasure and Penis Size

For those of us who’ve had plenty of sexual experience, a couple of studies about sexual pleasure published in 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine might not be a complete surprise.

Penis Size – Does it Please Women?

The first of them is that apparently size –  yes, I’m talking about penis size! – does matter, at least to some women.

We must be careful about any article published online. There’s always pressure on researchers to find sensational subjects to write about and articles to publish, but let’s take this at face value. (The risk is of dubious science, in other words!)

The researcher in question, Stuart Brody, defined the average length of an erect penis as 5.8 inches, which completely agrees with my own research.

He then asked women if they experienced more sexual pleasure with men who had a longer or shorter penis than average.

He found that women had more vaginal orgasms during intercourse  when they were making love with men who had longer-than-average penises.

Now I’ll say straight away that there are a number of problems for me around this. One is the implication that men with a longer than average penis tend to please their women more in bed.

To start with, there have been previous studies which demonstrate that women find penis girth more important than penis length in terms of sexual pleasure. That certainly has a logic to it, because penile girth would stretch the opening of the vagina more. This might well produce more sensation than penile length.

On the other hand, a longer penis can stimulate the cervix. And that’s known to be an essential trigger for blended orgasms. This is a kind of orgasm which results in stimulation of not only the pelvic (clitoral) nerve but the pudendal (genital) nerve as well. Blended orgasms feel much more sexually satisfying for a woman.

On the other hand, women who experience vaginal orgasms tend to be sexually experienced. This implies that quality of orgasm may be a function of the time a woman spends developing her sexuality and sexual responsiveness.

So it’s only a possibility that penis size influences a woman’s ability to reach orgasm during intercourse.

In fact, there are many more possible explanations for female pleasure than penis size. For instance men with bigger penises might feel naturally more confident with women. They might have a different psychological and emotional approach to sex which is more likely to please a woman in bed or which may simply arouse women more. 

In other words, it may not be penis size alone that enables a man to pleasure a woman sexually in bed. It may be something associated with it such as greater self-confidence, or greater sexual experience on the part of the man.

As the researcher concluded, male anxiety about penis size may not reflect cultural stereotype. In fact it may be an accurate, if unconscious, appreciation that size does matter to women.

What If You Want to Give Pleasure To A Woman?

If you are a man with a smaller penis than average, you can always level the playing field by making yourself an expert at pleasuring women in bed.

You can research the best sexual techniques for the woman you’re with. You can learn new ways to please her in bed.

Don’t allow your confidence be eroded by the thought of what other men are packing in their pants. Instead, develop greater self-confidence and become an expert in sexual techniques.

Top of the list of skills that a man needs to be able to please his partner is knowing ways to make a woman come. 

That’s what you must be good at. If you are, and you’re also sensitive to her emotional needs, you need never worry about having a small penis. What a woman really wants from her man is to have a sexual connection in which she is cherished above all else. She wants to be deeply loved and to be pleasured in bed.

Vaginal and Clitoral Orgasms 

The same journal – The Journal Of Sexual Medicine – published information in April 2012 suggesting there was “sensational” new evidence about the female orgasm. This article suggested that vaginal and clitoral orgasms are completely different types of orgasm, and that involve different parts of the brain.

This contrasts with so much information put out on the Internet saying vaginal orgasms are some kind of variation of a normal clitoral orgasm.

A common idea is that stimulating the inside of the vagina with a finger is simply stimulating a part of the clitoris which surrounds the vagina.

However, we know the G spot has a different nerve supply to the clitoris. (That’s the pudendal versus the pelvic nerve respectively.) It’s also quite likely that these different nerve pathways produce different orgasmic sensations in women and men alike.

The deeper pleasure a man gets from prostate stimulation could perhaps be equivalent to the stimulation of the G spot in women.

And maybe it doesn’t matter whether this is true or not, so long as a woman receives the sexual pleasuring she needs? 

And, if you’re a woman who wants to enjoy vaginal orgasms, then please find out about the G spot and how to stimulate it. Both you and your man need to know how you can be stimulated most pleasurably in bed.

So what are these “sensational” conclusions?

Well, women can reach orgasm from both vaginal and clitoral stimulation. Yes, no surprise there.

(Some experts have suggested that the sensitive G spot, can actually reduce pain during birth / labor. You’ll know that if you’ve read about orgasmic birth on the Internet.)

And also, women who can obtain sexual pleasure through vaginal stimulation may have better physical and mental health than other women. No doubt.

And third. To contrast the two sides of this story, French gynaecologist Odile Buisson has said that stimulating the inside of the vagina is in fact a form of clitoral stimulation. While Stuart Brody, the psychologist at the University of West Scotland who was responsible for this research takes another view entirely. He says that  spreading the idea women can only be pleasured to orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris is “malpractice”.

And Emmanuele Jannini, who is a professor of endocrinology at an Italian university, has another view. He says this is important work for women, but obsessively searching for proof of the G spot orgasm will reduce the happiness and pleasure women get from sex.

In the end, of course, all that really matters is that a man knows how to please his woman and is sensitive to her needs.