Pleasure & Orgasm For Women
Before we do anything else, let’s look at the way in which female orgasm differs from male orgasm. Then we’ll look at the best ways for a man to please a woman in bed. As part of that, I’ll explain some specific techniques which help women reach orgasm easily.
For women, reaching orgasm is much harder than it is for men: it’s not only about stimulation in the body, it’s about relaxing into the right state of mind. That state of mind is all about being relaxed, open and trusting.
And that depends on a woman knowing she’s not under pressure to climax from her man. She needs to know that he’s going to be patient and loving as he helps her move towards her orgasmic pleasure.
Video – the Female Orgasm
A man asking questions such as: “Are you nearly there yet?” can stop her orgasm dead in her tracks.
The problem here is that men sometimes see their ability to please a woman in bed (i.e. to give her full satisfaction during physical intimacy) as a badge of their manhood, masculinity, or skill as a lover. But a woman needs plenty of time and space to reach orgasm at her own pace.
So how can you best assist a woman’s journey to orgasm? Simple! You can create an opportunity, a safe space, into which she can relax. She may come, she may not; whether she does reach orgasm or not only partly depends on what you’re doing. It also depends on many factors inside her head which you may never know about.
Not all of those are simple. For example, you may think that the only way to please a woman in bed is by giving her an orgasm. And that may make a woman feel she has to fake orgasm to please you! (Read about faking orgasm here.)
Why are things so complicated? Partly because many men think a woman needs to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. The reality is that a woman can enjoy sex even when she doesn’t reach orgasm. She may be very pleased and happy just to enjoy the intimacy and connection with her lover.
Men often ask their partners tactless questions like “have you come yet?” These make her feel pressurized and this stops her coming. Yet in a survey, over 50% of men said it was “very important” that their female partner had an orgasm!
So if you’re a man who takes pride and pleasure in making his partner come (and don’t we all?) just chill out and relax! Stop putting pressure on her to come. You’re only spoiling sex for her and depriving her of the pleasure she deserves in bed.
Pleasure and Orgasm Do NOT Always Go Together
Of course it’s very arousing and satisfying to see a woman work up to, and explode into, her climax. Unfortunately, this implies her orgasm is about your satisfaction rather than hers.
In short, the bottom line is this: don’t put pressure on your woman to come, even if you want her to! Simply be with her and pleasure her as best you can. If she doesn’t come, try and accept that she can enjoy sex without an orgasm. And remember that even when she is well on the way to orgasm, her arousal can suddenly disappear. That may be frustrating, but it’s not your fault, so don’t take it personally.
Video – The Elusive Female Orgasm
A Woman’s Sexual Pleasure Is Different To A Man’s Sexual Pleasure
A woman may not even know if she’s going to reach orgasm until the bedroom fun and games are well-advanced.
(Yes, I know this is hard to believe: you’re a man and you can’t imagine having sex without an orgasm. Trust me, it’s different for women.)
As I mentioned before, the pressure women feel to please their man in bed is one of the key factors that leads them to “fake orgasm” during sex.
And another one is that some women don’t wish to appear demanding. They simply don’t like to ask for time and space to take their own, naturally slower route to orgasm.
The key here is extended foreplay and a loving attitude on your part.
Vaginal Intercourse is Not A Route To Female Pleasure
Video – Why Women Don’t come During Sex
Part of the reason why intercourse does not lead to female orgasm is that most times it only lasts a few minutes. This is not long enough for women to get the stimulation they need to reach orgasm.
But rapid ejaculation is a natural aspect of male sexuality. Truth is, almost all men find it difficult, if not impossible, to control their climax.
So men who really want their partner to feel the pleasure of orgasm need a back up plan.
And that’s simple: when she’s aroused through foreplay, you can take her to orgasm through oral sex or masturbation. That’s a great way to please a woman in bed. And after she’s sexually satisfied, she’ll be much more aroused, wanting to make love to you. Even better, you’ll enjoy lovemaking a lot more because her vagina will still be warm and swollen after her climax.
This is indeed a glorious state of arousal for her, often one which will lead to female ejaculation – if you want to know how to make a woman squirt, check out this site.
This is also an extremely good way of building intimacy, trust and rapport. This will strengthen your relationship.
How To Please A Woman In Bed
One of the things that’s truly startling is how many women have never experienced an orgasm.
There are many reasons why men have so many orgasms and women don’t. One is that men experience their own sexuality from very early on in life. After all your penis was there to be played with from the moment you found it!
Women don’t have the same obvious external signs of their sexuality, particularly as children. Even as adults they may miss the signs of arousal that their body gives them.
(A good example of this is the fact that women often lubricate in response to erotic films. When asked if they feel sexually aroused they will almost always say “no”. Being aroused in the body is enough for a man to want sex; it’s certainly not enough for a woman to want sex.)
This lack of connection means a woman often finds it difficult to explain what she wants when she’s in a relationship. She may not even know what she wants during sex.
This is frustrating for men, who wonder why a woman can’t communicate her sexual needs! After all, we men know what we like, what we enjoy, and what we want during intimacy with our lover. Why can’t it be the same for a woman?
The answer lies in how we’re brought up and in our conditioning. In general, women simply aren’t brought up to be sexual creatures. They’re taught to be “clean” and instructed not to play with themselves. Little girls somehow know not to show off or talk about their sexual organs or sexuality.
And as for masturbation, well, that’s another issue altogether! Although women seem eager enough to tell each other about their sex lives, apparently they don’t talk to each other about masturbation.
What if there’s any difficulty around orgasm or other sexual issues like this in your woman’s life? You need to actually try mutual pleasuring. This can be a real turn on, and may well open up a whole new area of your sexuality.
So, in short, knowing how to please a woman in bed isn’t just about making the right moves! It’s about a whole connection starting with the emotional, moving through the relational, and ending with the physical.
But, unfortunately, a lot of men don’t get this. The reality is you have to put a lot of energy into making your woman feel good – both in and out of bed! That’s always a good strategy, of course, but it’s even more important if orgasms are not easy for her.
You also need some strategies. When you enjoy the sensuality of intimate contact, find out what she wants by asking her directly: “What would you like me to do?” When you ask this, make it seem like a pleasure, rather than a duty that you reluctantly undertake for her.
To sum up how to please a woman in bed, to take her to orgasm:
- Create a mood that’s as relaxed as possible.
- Be patient, tolerant, and willing to go on for as long as it takes for her to reach orgasm.
- Enjoy slow and sensual acts of touch, kissing and mutual caressing with her.
- Be emotionally intimate with her.
- Enjoy lots of foreplay (even if it’s boring for you).
- Ensure she’s fully aroused by the time you’re both ready for penetrative lovemaking.
- Engage in open and honest communication – that way you’ll know what she needs to satisfy her.
- Ask questions about what she wants.
- Reassure her that your intention is that both of you receive the maximum pleasure possible.
In responding to her answers, it’s not only about what she says on the surface: you have to interpret what she means in the unspoken subtext.
Soon she’ll be confident and trusting enough to directly tell you the truth about how she’s feeling and about what she wants. Until then you may have to do a certain amount of decoding and interpretation. If you take the time and trouble to do this you’ll earn her trust. Then the rewards in terms of pleasing her in bed, and getting pleasure yourself, will far outweigh your expectations.