The Art Of Pleasing A Woman – In and Out Of Bed
The way most women reach orgasm is through stimulation of the clitoris. True, vaginal or G spot stimulation may help a woman to achieve orgasm. And yes, it may dramatically increase the quality, duration and depth of an orgasm.
But the clitoris is the key to sexual pleasure and orgasm for the vast majority of women.
And so many men ignore it – the very source of female pleasure! Really guys, if you want to know how to please a woman, then you need to know all about her clitoris and the ways in which she likes it to be stimulated.
Bringing A Woman To Orgasm
What we mean when we talk about “pleasing a woman in bed” is bringing her to orgasm – giving her sexual satisfaction.
There are three main ways you can do this. The first method is through manual stimulation of her clitoris. The second is through oral stimulation of her clitoris. The third is through vaginal intercourse.
Manual stimulation of the clitoris – or masturbation – is not something that only happens in the early stages of a relationship. It can be a good part of any ongoing relationship, particularly where you’re looking for new sexual techniques to excite and sexually satisfy yourselves.
This includes some exciting sexual action:
- Masturbating alongside your partner.
- Watching your partner masturbate.
- Pleasuring your partner by masturbating her.
And of course a great benefit of manual stimulation – finger play – is that it’s safe sex with no bodily fluid exchanged.
The Key Techniques To Please Her With Finger Play
Above all, remember that a woman is rarely going to want direct touch on her clitoris before she’s sexually aroused.
If you’ve seen how a woman brings herself off, you’ll know the basics. That is, well-lubricated finger movements all around the clitoris. Start by going up and down the sides. Then add movements around the clitoral head. This will excite her, and a final flurry of fast movements across the clitoris will bring her off as she approaches orgasm. All of this might take fifteen minutes or so before she reaches orgasm.
The golden rule when it comes to clitoral play is to start gently and watch her closely. Gradually apply more pressure, speed or friction, and back off if she shows signs of discomfort, flinching, or lowering arousal.
And of course if she’s too shy to show you what she wants, then it’s up to you to get exploring. Start by caressing her breasts and thighs or stroke her belly or neck with one hand. Use the fingers of the other hand to focus on and around her clitoris.
When she’s highly aroused, you may want to use the fingers of one hand on her clitoris and the fingers of the other hand to penetrate her vagina. Start with one finger, and add more only when she’s aroused or asks you for more!
And make sure you use plenty of lubricant – either her own natural lubricant or something artificial. A good modern lubricant is coconut oil – although grapeseed oil and almond oil are also very good.
Keep in mind the fact that her clitoris is much bigger than the small clitoral head you can see when she’s aroused. The clitoris has “legs” which surround both sides of her vagina. This is why stimulation of the inside of a woman’s vagina can be so pleasurable for her.
But basically, since all women are different, it’s up to you to find out exactly what she wants. You could ask her, of course! If she’s shy, have her put her hand over yours and move your fingers in the way that pleases her most.
Manually pleasuring her can be a great way to show how much you love pleasuring and pleasing a woman in bed. It’s also an easy way to excite her when you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex. It also comes in handy if you happen to have ejaculated before she reaches orgasm. (You wouldn’t do that, now, would you?)
How To Please Her Orally
To be her sexual hero, you need to be a master at the art of oral pleasuring.
Please don’t try this if you find you have an aversion to the taste or scent to appearance of her vulva. While that’s not common, some men don’t like these things.
If that’s true for you, then stroke and caress the rest of her body with one hand while using the fingers of your other hand on her clitoris and vulva. Alternatively, pleasure her with a vibrator.
Embarrassed about getting your face in there? Men are genetically programmed to find the scent and taste of a woman exciting. There’s no harm in surrendering to your biological urges once in awhile!
Your woman will certainly thank you for it! Survey after survey demonstrates that women find oral pleasure from their partner more pleasurable and exciting than just about anything else. It’s also the easiest way to reach orgasm for many women.
Do this for a woman, and do it well, and she’ll be faithful and devoted to you. (That’s assuming you’re treating her with respect in all other ways as well!)
For a woman, oral pleasuring from a man is a real act of love. This is all about getting sexual satisfaction in bed. And, to be honest, it’s also about her man showing he knows how to pleasure a woman in bed. Of course, the act of orally pleasuring a woman shows her that you really do want to please her!
And that’s important – to her, it’s a gesture of your devotion. So make sure you’re both comfortable and that there’s plenty of room on the bed. Even if you enjoy oral pleasuring, doing it with a cricked neck isn’t comfortable!
You can put a pillow under her behind, or place one so you can kneel on the floor and lick between her legs as she lies on the bed. She can have her legs over the edge of the bed with her knees up and feet flat on the mattress.
Refine Your Pleasuring Technique
Building anticipation is really important, so proceed slowly – no matter how aroused you might be! By the way, you’ll find your arousal and your erection come and go as the sexual tension rises and falls as you orally pleasure a woman. But that’s no bad thing. If you have an erection all the time you’re pleasuring a woman, you may ejaculate much sooner than normal later on. So aim to bring her to a peak of pleasure before you take your own pleasure.
A golden rule here is “women come first”!
Start by kissing her on the lips, face and neck. Work your way downwards, slowly, kissing her body every few inches. Pay special attention to her breasts, gradually working your way towards her nipple.
Next, work your way down to her belly, then go around the belly and gradually approach nearer and nearer to her vulva. Don’t kiss there yet! Swerve off and kiss her thighs, right down to her knees and back up again.
With this kind of teasing, she’s going to really anticipate the kiss on her vulva and clitoris when it finally arrives. Such anticipation can be very pleasurable. And she’ll certainly be pleased with the effort you’re making.
Bear in mind you have to do this with sincerity and dedication. Don’t try and make it look like you’re enjoying what you’re doing if you’re not.
For example, if you’re bored, shift your mind into a place of wanting to pleasure her. When you orally pleasure a girl, and you do it with full attention, you really will satisfy her!
What a woman wants sexually is a quality of attention which shows your commitment to pleasing her. She wants to be the complete and only object of your desire as you tease and please her.
When you judge she’s ready for orgasm (and give her plenty of time for this), proceed slowly by kissing all the way around her vulva and labia. Let your tongue move up and down both sides of her pussy, and then gently work your way into the vaginal opening.
The more aroused she is, the more she’s going to open up for you. If she shows any signs of closing her legs or moving her body away from you, she’s not ready. You need to go back to the rest of her body and caress her non-sexual areas to arouse her further.
When she’s ready, she’s going to open up to you.
Perhaps the major thing which will influence whether or not she can do this is how much she trusts you. She also needs to believe you’re confident and knowledgeable about what you’re doing. And she also needs to feel that you’re really enjoying the experience with her.
When your woman’s very aroused, begin to stimulate the underside of her clitoris. Start by making slow tongue strokes all the way up from her vaginal opening across her urethral opening (the so-called “U spot”). Move onto the inside of her clitoris.
But guidelines like this are literally only guidelines! All women are not the same! Even the same woman likes something different from one day to the next.
In general a good rule to follow is that when she starts moaning with pleasure, you’ve found a hotspot – so keep going in the same place. Eventually she’ll reach orgasm. Remember that she may not want you to move faster or harder until she’s very near orgasm.
Your effort in pleasing her will show itself very clearly indeed to her; she will know that you want to give her pleasurable sensations. She’ll know how dedicated you are to giving her the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment during sex.
She needs to tell you or show you how to adjust whatever you’re doing so she gets even greater satisfaction and pleasure.
Fully Respect Your Woman
You need to make a real connection with your woman and you need to treat her with respect.
Part of that respect involves the way you communicate with her as you make love: it might be acceptable when she’s very aroused in the heat of passion to say something like “I love fucking you” or “I’m going to fuck you hard”, but it’s probably wise to try saying something like “This feels so fantastic, I absolutely adore being inside you” first.
Don’t tell her “I get so f*cking horny” when you’re with her. Tell her “you make me so excited, you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen”. Even if she doesn’t believe it, she’s going to enjoy hearing you say it.
I’m sure you’ll realize by now that how you treat her body is also another sign of how you respect her. And how important that is for her to be able to relax into pleasure with you.