Basically the purpose of self-entrancement arousal is to allow a man to become much more familiar, much more connected with,  if you like, his own body.

That’s in terms of both what it looks like and what it feels like. Another part of the same developmental process is to become more aware of how he responds to the touch of his partner.

Most men with premature ejaculation focus on partner involvement as a method of becoming aroused – in other words, the man’s actually focusing on erotic experiences that are outside his own body. He’s thinking, for example, of how sexy his partner is as he looks as her body; he’s not thinking about the pleasure he is feeling in his own body.

Of course this may seem very natural to men who don’t know there is another way: which is to focus on their own bodily arousal, pleasure and sexual experience.

And it is also an enjoyable method of becoming sexually aroused, which reinforces the tendency men have to take that approach…. But it doesn’t provide many ways of developing good control of your own arousal.

Making Stamina Greater

One of the characteristics of men who come prematurely, or have no control over their orgasm and ejaculation, is that they don’t know when they are going to ejaculate.

When it happens they may feel very surprised by it – almost as though it’s come from nowhere. So to learn better ejaculatory control, it’s necessary for a man to learn how he can focus on his own arousal.  This is an arousal style called sensual self-entrancement arousal.

As you can guess from the words, the focus here is all about one’s own physical or bodily sensations – and although the term self-entrancement arousal is an umbrella term for several techniques, each of those techniques has a focus on the man’s own physical bodily sensations.

So in other words a man can develop greater stamina in bed by becoming “self-entranced” rather than by interacting with his partner.

This is a proven route to greater control of arousal. By focusing much more on the physical sensations you experience during sex, and learning how to control and respond to your own arousal, you can feel less anxiety, and this further controls your tendency to ejaculate too quickly.

And it’s a far better approach to controlling sexual arousal than so-called distraction techniques )such as thinking about taxes or roadkill) which simply don’t work.

Self entrancement allows you to focus on the pleasurable feelings that you’re experiencing in your body during sex rather than focusing on something “external” such as a sexual fantasy or your partner’s breasts or body. And it prevents you from trying to distract yourself from the feelings and experience of sex.

In brief, the techniques that are incorporated into a self-entrancement arousal approach to arousal control are:

PC muscle control

This means learning to consciously relax the pubococcygeal muscle in the pelvic area. This is not hard to do but requires training. Once the technique has been learned, it provides a simple focus for ensuring that you are both physically relaxed and also using the muscle to increase stamina in bed by means of greater ejaculatory control.

A man is taught to relax his pubococcygeal muscles at the same time as he is becoming sexually aroused. When the man relaxes these muscle before penetration, there is a natural ejaculation inhibition.

The Stop Start Technique

The stop-start technique was developed by Semans in 1956. It is a “pacing technique”, and is described elsewhere in this website in detail.

However it basically requires a man to train himself using masturbation to develop an awareness of how aroused he is, so that he knows how near or far from the point of ejaculatory inevitability he is at any time.

After learning this by means of self-pleasuring, the technique is extended to involve sexual and sensual activity with the man’s partner.

The stop-start technique develops a man’s stamina and endurance in bed by employing a progressive series of exercises. These help the man develop a clear awareness of when he’s getting near the point of orgasm because he can recognize the physical sensations which precede ejaculation. And, when ejaculation is too close, he can stop sexual stimulation and so avoid coming. In other words, the stop start technique develops awareness and allows a man to last longer in bed and control his ejaculation response.

A Cognitive Arousal Continuum

Developed by Michael Metz, this  involves mental discipline: controlling the thoughts that occur during sexual stimulation so that you can regulate your own arousal.

Basically, when using the arousal continuum technique, a man will make the effort to think about and distinguish between the various thoughts, feelings, sensory impressions, actions and behaviors which characterize his own arousal pattern.

When he can do this, he can basically rank these things in order of how important they are in bringing him to a greater state of arousal – if you like, how stimulating they are.

And then, during lovemaking itself, a man can “orchestrate”, or manage, his level of sexual arousal by choosing to focus on those aspects of his thoughts which either increase arousal or reduce it. This will help him to last longer in bed and be a better lover with more stamina.

This is a system of disciplined mind control which prevents the rapid “running away” of arousal and the unexpected arrival at the point of no return.

Sensate Focus

This is effectively a form of co-operative bodily communication with a partner.

We mentioned earlier that it’s better for a man who can’t control his ejaculation and lacks stamina in bed to focus on his own sense of pleasure rather than to focus on the arousal that he receives because of the presence of his lover.

So, in brief, when the couple are relaxing and pleasuring each other, the woman will stimulate her man’s penis very gently and calmly as he concentrates on the physical sensations he’s experiencing.

This is another way of developing his sense of self-entrancement; as you recall, this is necessary for good ejaculation control and development of the ability to last longer in bed and pleasure a partner fully.

So here we have a combination of erection, stimulation, and what might be termed “calm arousal” all being practiced at the same time with the goal of achieving arousal simultaneously with physical relaxation. And this, in turn, ensures a man is not becoming aroused too soon, too fast, too much – in a way which is beyond his ability to control.

As you may know, fast orgasm or ejaculation is the most common male sexual problem. Indeed, for a young man fast ejaculation is quite normal.

But for a significant proportion of men, a lack of stamina in bed, i.e. premature ejaculation, continues into their adult life, leaving them dissatisfied with their sexual performance, and their partners sexually unsatisfied.

We often don’t realize how significant a problem an uncontrolled ejaculation is to men, who may respond to the problem by adopting some self-effacing behavior or discounting the significance of their experience in a self denigrating fashion.

A lack of stamina in bed strikes hard at the root of a man’s self-esteem, and can be very emotionally distressing.

There is a well-known technique formulated by Masters and Johnson, sex therapists in the 1950s, called the squeeze technique, which has been recommended by many sex therapists over time as a way of curing the problem, but it is not an effective long-term treatment.

The techniques which have been successful in helping men to control their ejaculation are those techniques which address the subject of arousal awareness and control. Usually it requires several techniques working together for a man to learn effective methods of increasing his endurance and stamina in bed.

 

A question from the internet forums

“My boyfriend reaches orgasm within two minutes after he enters me and I don’t know what to do about it. And I don’t know how to approach him about it. Is it normal for a man to come so quickly? I don’t have a lot of sexual experience, as you may have guessed! We have been together for six weeks.

The problem is that he seems really wound up about it and indeed he often seems reluctant to have sex. I think he has taken it to heart and sees himself as a failure.

I’m even beginning to worry that his tendency to come quickly is my fault, as he was with his last girl for several years and I assume that she would not have put up with his premature ejaculation all that time?”

Answer 1: Please don’t be embarrassed about this, as you are in a relationship with him you should be able to talk about anything. First of all he is ejaculating too quickly: two minutes is just not long enough to enjoy sex properly, and he needs to be stop this and last longer so you both get full enjoyment of sex.

I assume he enjoys sex with you and wants to make you happy, so it’s up to him to find a way of learning how to sexually please your partner by lasting longer in bed.

First of all, he needs to know that you want more of the pleasure of intercourse.

That should give him the motivation to work on stopping his early ejaculation. Personally, I have tried condoms which claim to make the man last longer, but they don’t really work.

 Instead, you could ask him to slow down his thrusting when he is about to climax, or even to lie still for a while until he is less excited. Then he can carry on. He should repeat this every time he gets near the point of ejaculation.

Answer 2:  As a man I’d say, don’t be embarrassed about it – my mates and I have often joked about a woman being so attractive that we couldn’t last more than two minutes.

And it’s not likely to be your fault – except in so far as he finds you really exciting! – so don’t worry that it is your fault. Find a way of working the conversation round to the subject. For example, tell him how much you like making love with him, and how much you’d like it to last longer. If you want to squirt, reach the maximum amount of pleasure possible, then this is essential.

That will give you both an opportunity to start talking about it. Also, remember that you’ve only been a couple for a very short space of time, and things are new and exciting – like all relationships, the romance and passion will cool down a little as time goes by and you may even find he lasts much longer naturally.

Answer 3: I think he must have had this problem in his previous relationship. Men are either good lovers or they’re not – and often if they aren’t they don’t try and increase their staying power. But if he wants to, then it will need a concerted effort on his part to overcome the problem. First of all, he has to commit to solving it.

You need to begin by extending foreplay. He’s going to get turned on, but that’s OK as long as he knows how turned on he is. 

He can get aroused, but what he must do is keep a check on how excited he is in his body – and keep his arousal high without actually ejaculating. If he wants tostop coming so quickly, he’s going to have to put some effort in.

Maybe you could enjoy a little more kissing and caressing. Don’t go on to the point where he thinks he is going to ejaculate.

When he’s nearing the point where he begins to feel his ejaculation coming on, take your hand off his penis and stroke his chest. Repeat this as often as necessary until he can take much more of you stimulating him without any danger of coming.

When he has learned how to cope with his penis being stimulated by your hand for much longer, you could move on to fellatio. This will be very exciting for him, and again you might need to practice for a few session until he’s learned to take more of it than before.

You can give him pleasure with your mouth, then as he gets aroused, stop moving and let him cool down, so to speak, then go back to it, and so on.

The idea is to extend how long he can last before he comes. All this time, he needs to be monitoring how aroused he is – a lot of guys ejaculate because they simply lose touch with their bodies during sex, so they never know they are going to ejaculate until it’s upon them, so to speak!

And you need a sexual position where he can’t thrust much, as that speeds up his progress towards orgasm. So woman on top is ideal for this. Keep it slow and steady – don’t get over-excited yourself, or he’ll certainly come very quickly!

Ask him to tell you when he gets near his orgasm and stop moving. You might even lift yourself off him completely until his arousal has gone down.

This might take some time, but if you start making love again too soon, or he was too near orgasm, he’ll just ejaculate fairly quickly. You should just move around a little until he gets near – then stop.

As you repeat this over time, he’ll be able to control his arousal much better until finally he can thrust away for ages without getting too excited and ejaculating!

This is what’s called the stop – start method, and although it takes time, it does work in the end.

Answer 4: Well, it’s typical of a guy to get defensive when you begin to question his sexual performance. He may feel let down by ejaculating so fast and let down by thinking he didn’t please you.

That’s hard for a guy to take. But you have to talk to him about this – you can’t hide the fact there is a problem any longer.

If you don’t do anything soon, his bad bedroom habits ejaculation will just get between you, erode the relationship, and probably he’ll never stop it.

First of all he needs to admit there is a problem – and if he doesn’t know that yet, then you will have to tell him that being so fast in bed is not acceptable to you.

The you will have to discuss between you what you are going to do to stop him ejaculating so quickly. The previous answer gave a pretty good description of one way of how to stop it happening.

I understand because this happened to me, but my partner let me deal with it by resting every time I was near coming (I mean we stopped moving when I was near ejaculation) and I just rested in her vagina without moving. It took two months but after I’d done this enough I learned how to stop premature ejaculation and now I can go on for two hours.