Types Of Male Sexual Dysfunction
One of the most significant things about early ejaculation is the fact that it can be divided into a number of categories.
For example it can be physical – it may be caused by a neurological predisposition or physical injury to the spinal-cord.
Or it may be psychologically based, caused by psychological stress, relationship conflicts, or a lack of the appropriate psychosexual skills necessary for satisfactory sex within a loving relationship.
Even worse, it’s also common for some men to experience erectile dysfunction along with difficulty controlling ejaculation.
Female partners of men in this situation often feel a degree of resentment or anger. This is because the man’s failure to deal with his sexual issues affects her ability to become sexually aroused during lovemaking, and this acts as a disruption to intimacy.
The early end of intercourse causes a break in intimacy and connection.
Indeed, the fact that sex usually ends when the man has come (because he doesn’t have enough persistence or stamina to last as long as he would like in bed), is experienced as an emotional abandonment by the woman.
Video – sexual disruption
Furthermore, it’s quite understandable that women resent a man’s failure to address his uncontrolled ejaculation or to do anything to resolve the problem.
On the other side of the equation, of course, men are generally paralyzed by painful feelings of shame: shame around their sexual failure and their own perceived inability to please their partner.
Furthermore, most men don’t know what to do to solve the problem, or even where to get help. And it’s possible that seeking help may be seen by a man as confirmation of his own sexual inadequacy.
So regrettably there’s a vicious cycle here which the woman can perceive her man as paralyzed by his shame, and indeed he is: he feels so ashamed of sexually failing her that he does nothing about it, which is taken by the woman as another sign of his abandonment of her.
In reality it is an abandonment of himself, yet statistics demonstrate how common a man’s failure to deal with the problem actually is: the average time it takes a man to seek professional help to address his inability to control ejaculation and lack of stamina in bed is six years.
You can see why a woman might reach the conclusion that her man simply doesn’t care about her feelings, even though the opposite is more likely: most men feel huge shame at disappointing a lover and letting her down. And he probably does not know what to do about it anyway.
And perhaps because of the Internet, even those techniques which are generally known, such as distraction (thinking about taxes or roadkill), using penile desensitizing creams, or multiple condoms, simply don’t work or may even make a bad situation worse because they not only stifle pleasure but also reduce the man’s arousal. This can cause him to develop erectile dysfunction.
In general, therefore, current treatment methods will focus on several approaches that work together to give greater chance of ensuring a man can develop more stamina in bed.
So a man seeking help will ideally be taught how he needs to think about sex – during sex – so that he doesn’t unconsciously contribute to an uncontrolled increase in his arousal.
He’ll also be taught how to calm himself by using relaxation techniques, and he’ll be taught behaviors which can control the rate of increase in his arousal.
This combination produces a more efficient method of increasing stamina in bed and essentially learning to control ejaculation.
Techniques To Overcome Male Sexual Problems
Effective treatment of a man’s inability to control his ejaculation focuses on three fundamental areas:
- The first of these is learning to become sensuously aroused at the same time as the man maintains physiological relaxation. This involves a technique called self entrancement arousal – different to the usual focus of arousal – which is being entranced by involvement with the partner.
- The second area of treatment is about conscious thinking and behavioral activity, and this involves learning so-called “pacing” techniques which help establish better control.
- And the third area that is necessary for satisfactory sexual functioning is learning how to produce a genuine co-operation with a man’s lover, so that he can learn how to please her more.
We look at each of these in a previous post on this blog, so that you can see how they play together into a complete system of increasing stamina and improving endurance in bed in order that you can please a woman much more satisfactorily (and at the same time enjoy sex without anxiety yourself).
These techniques were developed by sex therapists including Michael Metz PhD. There is still a place in modern methods of learning arousal control for older techniques such as the Stop-Start technique developed by Dr James Semans in 1956. This can still be an effective way of learning to control the level of arousal one feels in response to sexual stimulation.